tellin*StoRies

You’ve been unable to sleep well for a couple of days now, mostly because someone you care about is under fire for being a bit too independent. You can’t quite figure out how to handle the situation, and that’s what’s got you upset. You know how it is, though. You won’t be able to stop thinking about this until you’ve come up with a plan and made contact with the person who needs you. In the meantime, get some sleep. A bunch of it.

it’s not me.i think it’s someone else who share the same zodiac sign with me.i’m sure of it.cos i think i’m the one who’s in the other shoes.n i don’t see anything wrong with it.plus,i slept so well til i snore.

mengutip sebuah pembicaraan lewat pengantar pesan di siang bolong.
identitas lawan bicara sebaiknya untuk sementara dirahasiakan saja.bukan untuk alasan khusus,hanya belum sempat minta courtesy…

** says: kenyaaaaaaaang
** says: soal taste
** says: konteksnya apa nih ? makanan, arts, music atau apa ?
a u z i e says: anything
a u z i e says: perceiving a beauty is a problem of taste
a u z i e says: an inquiry into the nature and justification of critical judgement
a u z i e says: that’s how to define taste…maybe
a u z i e says: but how can it be learned?
** says: by exposing a person to particular taste…I think
** says: suka karena biasa…gituuu
a u z i e says: aha
a u z i e says: bisa bisa
** says: loe suka musik brit pop krn bergaul sm orang yg salah kan ?
** says: coba gaulnya sm gw, pasti demennya hiphop…ihihihihi
a u z i e says: but how can it be taught without it being too much directing
a u z i e says: haha …bisa jadi
a u z i e says: bisa ngga
a u z i e says: could it be that i’m self-determining
a u z i e says: that is how i made my judgement of taste,i guess
a u z i e says: udh gaul ama elo masih teuteup suka yg genjrang genjreng ah
** says: hahaha
a u z i e says: eh gw suka H to the Izzo
a u z i e says: udh lama itu ya
** says: hahaha
a u z i e says: jay z
** says: let see
**says: mnrt gw, taste terbentuk krn beragama kombinasi
** says: suka krn biasa, itu salah satunya..
** says: diajarin, juga salah satunya
** says: tp jgn lupa sm taste bawaan…as written in our DNA blueprint
** says: taste diatur sm otak besar, otak besar konfigurasinya tergantung sm DNA tiap orang
a u z i e says: what abt eminem
a u z i e says: he doesnt hav any helluva dark blood
a u z i e says: but he surely knows how to rap..haha
** says: but u can distinguish eminem’s taste of rap with…let say…p’diddy’s taste of rap, cant u ?
a u z i e says: well yea..
a u z i e says: but when it comes to the taste it’s still on the same root
a u z i e says: but then again
a u z i e says: could be he ‘learned’ his taste
** says: absolutely
** says: u can compare "taste" with "knowledge"
** says: u need intelligence to understand knowledge
** says: sama aja kyk loe butuh Taste bawaan ( yg dari DNA ) buat nerima / ngerti taste yg diajarin
a u z i e says: exactly
a u z i e says: that explains why there’s intelligeble taste
a u z i e says: which is one you can tell or understand
a u z i e says: and there’s also sensible taste
a u z i e says: which is one you can only feel
a u z i e says: maybe to learn a taste is by combining both kind of way of perceiving
** says: there’s one way to say it
** says: but i dont think sensible and intelligible taste are two different kinds of taste
a u z i e says: why is tat?
** says: they’re the same, but it differs on how a person look a t it
** says: for example…
** says: I hear to a jazz song and I said this song gives me goosebumps and warm feeling etc..
** says: and you say…nice tone, up beat, correct rhytm
** says: which one is sensible and which one is intelligible ?
a u z i e says: obviously i’m not being sensible here…
** says: hahahaha
** says: bukan itu intinya dul
a u z i e says: at least i’m being intelligent…
** says: hahahahaha
a u z i e says: sow?
** says: what I’m saying is….u can extract sensible and intelligent side from the same taste….it’s like two sides of a coin..
a u z i e says: oh u r refering ‘you’ as in ‘us’ in indonesian…i c
a u z i e says: so u mean one single person can perform both
a u z i e says: ic
** says: hehehehe….salah kata ganti ya..ihihihihi
a u z i e says: ehehee…
a u z i e says: tak apa
a u z i e says: good notion
** says: ya gitu deh
a u z i e says: i’ll consider of taking this one for my choice then
a u z i e says: thanx a lot bro
** says: ihiiii…
** says: jadi intinya perbincangan kita apa ya ?
a u z i e says: ahahaaaa…..
a u z i e says: aku suka britpop…kau suka disko
a u z i e says: eh salah hip hop ya
a u z i e says: <pake irama lagu singkong keju>
** says: hahahahaha
** says: buat taste gw, elo tuh lucu…tp buat taste orang lain elo tuh garing…
** says: )
a u z i e says: thank u
a u z i e says: smua pujian akan saya kumpulkan….
a u z i e says: fans club sudah terbentuk
a u z i e says: hueheheeeee
a u z i e says: yasuwwww…
a u z i e says: saya mau gigit2 buku nya healy lagi
** says: hahahaha
** says: okey
a u z i e says: baca omongkosongnya kant lagi
** says: mo ntn hitch lagi ah
a u z i e says: dadaaaaaahhhh…
** says: daaaaah
a u z i e says: enjoy

my today’s scope:

Mining for new ideas? You’ll have to dig extra deep today to find any real gems.

indeed i have to write something  in the blank white microsoft word page.kant,burke,hegel,nietzsche,heidegger,foucault,simmel,bachelard,ANYTHING!!!arrggh…yes,they’re gems,i’m just a rustic copper.

You’ve got a lot on your mind now — no doubt about that. But there’s more coming, so you’d better clear your plate and make room.

sure do..more to come?oh,lord no..

Someone extremely different will be along shortly, apparently sent by the universe to wrench you out of anything in your life that even remotely resembles a rut, pattern or habit. You, of course, are the very soul of sociability, so you won’t mind at all. Your partner, now well, they may feel a bit differently about the subject. Be prudent. And patient.

couldn’t be less social and more prudent than ever.it’s sickening trying to be sensible all the time.nuff’s nuff! i wanna be me.

this rubbish is so unbelievably true.and the worst thing is that i’m actually buying it.

switch off<wrath mode>;switch on<tranquility mode>

ever think of urself having too much that u cant cope with it?everything just come rumblin in front of u n couldnt care less for warning u it will hurt…repeatedly

when u r searching for ur own soul.seeking out ways to have a bliss.then caught up in a sanctuary of emptiness.n still didint manage to liberate from the obsession.while things still continue to fascinate u with their torture…too much ire…

Limb by limb, tooth by tooth
Tearing up inside of me
Every day, every hour
I wish that I was bullet proof

Wax me, mould me
Heat the pins and stab them in
You have turned me into this
Just wish that it was bullet proof,
was bullet proof

So pay the money and take a shot
Lead-fill the hole in me
I could burst a million bubbles
All surrogate and bullet proof

[bullet proof...i wish i was/radiohead/1995]

been listening to this song…a lot,for i dont know how many hundred times.its not merely the title,but the melody itself is also bullet proof.takes u to a whole new revelation..living this miserable and despicable world to another universe…dont get me wrong,its not a suicidal dream.

thom yorke was one genius bastard.at least he’s for me..when he wrote this.jonny and ed recorded their guitar noises without listening to other layers of the cut.

mind-blowing..

[a series or group of strange or bizarre images seen as if in a dream]

when i feel downlow

the brain works so fckin slow

nailbiting n tum crumpin hits the ball

penetration into own soul

passage of core entering the glow

trespassing the threshold

becoming a ghoul

feelin likin so much 2 grawl

p h a n t a s m a g o r i a crawlin up the wall

hybrid surreal transparency shit

an asylum of the anxiety bitch

desperate doomed forgotten narrow freak

vacant psyche shattering brick

resentment stroked infuriation sprung

facing the edge of disgustion

barricades of boredom riots the strain

severe soring eyes witness the vain

i’m in downlow

i’m in vain

sugarbaby, i’m in vain

unleash this agony

release the pain

<<<so much for daily non stop eye-sight of the shiny flat box

really in it for the real light rite now

maybe i should stop n say hello to mr sunshine out there

well then..tomorrow it is, first thing first>>>

long time ago –let’s just say 5 years ago—i was sitting with someone in this coffee shop. celebrating nothing. talking over nothing. doing almost nothing. yea, still remember it clearly as it was just yesterday.

watta a dry conversation it was. until suddenly he asked me a one big simple question… “do you have any dream in life?”

i realized it should be so much easier to answer if only i still have the mind of the twelve-year-old me. i remember dreaming of a barbie dream house which i only could see through the display glass box in a toy shop in town. i could sit in front for long just to imagine what my barbie can do inside this pink girly house. then i went home and asked my uncle to make one for me out of tripleks. i designed it myself. a two storey doll house with sloping roof out of the same material, no finishes, no doors, no windows. just plain tripleks in its original color. i liked it a lot. i played with my two barbies and ken (my ken was polygamic back then). my cousins even have the same excitement playing with the thing. there it went, my dream had come true.

now back to the coffee shop scene. i startled for a while hearing that question. i was asking myself, do i really have one right now? is it such an important thing that makes

ur

life so damn useless without having any?

after about one minute of thinking –and a little bit look of embarrassment for thinking if i would be doubted as a tie partner for that conversation– i reached the point of replying his question. and so i said,”i always wanna be a rock superstar. i always wanna go on tour around the world with a band i have and to have concerts where people would scream my name.”

what a freakin’ dream..

but it bites my tounge that something might be true. i barely have any significant dream in my life. what i do is just to set some goals. and have it achieved later. bit of challenges, competitions, ups and downs went on…but in the end i often succeed. despite some part where i was a loser too, i feel myself more of a winner.

now here i am, wearing this attribute of scholar. got my last targeted goal embraced. sit myself in a well-known school and even got some cents handed on each month without doing jobs i used to do before coming here. this is not my dream… this is just one shift of passage and soon i’ll be out of it. what’s next?

well, that’s so easy to say… for i did my homework of making another new list of goals…targets… there should be at least 7 craps i plan to do for the next 21 months. tiny or even huge craps. nothing really special about them. totally mainstream stuff other people from my background feel they gotta do.

but then where’s the dream? do i still possess anything that would ease myself to go to sleep thinking i’d be playing with it in my bedtime.

and there i was yesterday. stepped into a bar scene. in front some vans were parked. crews were passing by lifting up sound equipments. one van’s door was half-opened where i saw two girls with cool outfit sat in front facing some guys (who might think they’re cool) at the backseat. groupies… of a not even yet famous band.

so four of us walked inside the bar. a nice old building turned into a contemporary bar with a simple performing stage. they said koolhas did the renovation and extension of this building. i’m not sure if it’s the part we entered, cos there’s other parts for concerts  where we have to pay 15eur to enter. well we didn’t went to that part, just grabbed some drinks and joined the crowd for the free performance. it wasn’t a famous band at all. in fact they just look like a garage band. that’s exactly what makes them very cool. the girl singer sang –-or maybe shouted– her simple lyrics like ,”you have one and i have two! you have one and i have two!!” hell do i know what it means…

then my friend just asked me to smile. he said i never smiled while watching the band plays. i said i didn’t realized that. all i did was nodding my head up n down, left to right, and stepping my feet to the floor, following the loud guitar smashing in such a disorder beat. but then i smiled to him and said… i’m concentrating on listening to their music.

and so i started to smile all the way…which i apprehended myself of being happy at the moment. yea,dude…i still got a dream to catch. it’s never too late to become a rock superstar!